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Sunday 26 May 2013

10 of The Best: 90’s Kid Crushes



He made your heart jump, made you lose your words, he was dreamy, most likely had a warm, dazzling smile and thick floppy hair that would fall perfectly into place with a nonchalant swipe of an open hand and there’s a good chance you watched him on Saturday morning kids TV. This is the guy who could, even today, make a rational twenty-something girl flustered, weak at the knees and maybe even a bit dribbly: The childhood 90’s dream crush!

NB. Googling any of these crushes as modern day men will only lead to utter disappointment. You have been warned!


1) Omri Katz - Eerie Indiana/Hocus Pocus

I just don’t know where to start, I just don’t know. I was SO in love with this boy when I was 6…7…12………25. I first laid eyes on his floppy haired perfection in the series Eerie Indiana and even in my prepubescent, pre-Bacardi-Breezer, pre-anything state, I saw a boy for all seasons, a boy to share Slush Puppies and Push-pop’s with, who’s open smile and heart, laid back style and painfully wholesome good looks could save a girls’ soul from even the scariest of Bette Midler-esque witches. He was everything!


2) Hey Arnold!

He was placid, relaxed, introverted, a music lover and an underdog (everyone thought his plaid shirt was actually a skirt – if that doesn’t make you the underdog, I don’t know what would). OK, so if he were a real person I’d seriously worry about why his head was that shape but I TOTALLY get why Helga was driven off the chain cray,cray but his unassuming charm; when a man is nice to me whilst still acting like he wouldn’t notice if my face were on fire: its kryptonite for every rational fibre of my being! Pataki: I got you girl!


3) Jason Catalano - My So-Called Life

You KNOW he’s no good for you! Even Angela knew it! His emotional detachment is the stuff of legend; he doesn’t care about school, his friends, his parents, his future, he certainly doesn’t give a rat’s ass about you but MY GOD do you want him! 

Nursing a crush on a boy like this is like riding on a roller-coaster that has little, almost indistinguishable highs and plummeting, utterly desperate lows. Remember that time he wrote a song about you? “That is just the most romantic thing I have ever…..oh, wait…it was about his car."


4) Prince Eric - The Little Mermaid

If there is one man who really influenced the “type” of guy I’d go for later in life; it’s this suave bastard! I’ve never dated a tall, dark, handsome, kind, adventurous, rugged, blue-eyed, flute-playing prince before, but you can bet your ass I’m looking! 


5) Bastian – The Neverending Story II

Again with the smile! It’s just all about the smile! You could have so many adventures with a guy like this; brave, honest, sensitive, could rock a double snake-head pendant and grey hoodie combo way before Urban Outfitters told their drones it was hip….probably…God, I hate that place. Also, if I had 50% ownership of a Luck Dragon I could seriously reduce my outgoings on my Oyster card! Can someone remind me to name my future dog Falcor.


6) Pacey Whitter - Dawson's Creek

I still don't get why the show wasn't called Pacey's Creek! Pacey was the perfect 90’s dream boy combination; he was kind of an easy boy-next-door option, but not as vanilla as Dawson, (who exuded about as much sexual magnitude as a retarded Labrador).

He had just the right amount of unpredictability, independence, whit and warmth to make a girl feel totally safe, whilst at the same time, never knowing if he’s going to fireman’s lift you into his boat and sail you off into the sunset at the end of season three. Also, he took on a snarky bitch like Joey (#lovesachallenge) and he worked in a video store! Social/historical context for anyone born post-Blockbusters: teenage girls thought this was a cool thing. 


7) Any Man From Dream Phone

Hurrah! It’s Grindr for pre-teen girls! Yeaaa, I also didn’t really realise at the time that all of the guys we were calling from our 11 year old slumber party were probably models in their 20’s….it didn’t seem overtly jail-baitish at the time, promise!

Anyway, the premise of this game was kind of like Guess Who but for girls who were having single sex sleepovers and playing board games whilst the rest of their friends were out discovering what boys were actually like because their boobs came in at like the age of ten so they were suddenly SO popular! Bitter?! Bitch please! They’ll come in one day…


8) Sonic The Hedgehog

OK so initially, this might seem like a weird one. But I spent so much time with this guy, he was athletic, he had edge, he was the silent type, never saying a word but when he raised an eyebrow and tapped his little sneaker-clad foot impatiently, I just wanted to do anything I could to keep him happy!

Sadly, it would never last with a guy like Sonic, he’s way too single minded; unless you plan to follow him around like a little bitch (i.e. Tails) for your entire relationship, you need a man who can give you more!


9) JTT – Home Improvement/The Lion King
Adorable, just adorable! Wholesome, all American and the cutest baby lion roar of all time! I’m not going to tell you I’d get with a lion; we are not going there right now! But if I did….


10) Zack Morris - Saved by the Bell

With teeth as white as his pulled up sports socks, Zack was admittedly not the best with academics, but when it came to street smarts and business savvy, he knew the T! I imagine he would have worn Ralph Lauren Polo Sport aftershave; that just reeks of childhood crush to me now! 

Another perfect example of the floppy hair + bright smile + comfortable amounts of rebellion equation which melted the hearts and brains of impressionable girls throughout the 90’s! 




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